Secretary of State

One of the onerous tasks I have before me is picking a Secretary of State. With Kerry and Clinton the previous incumbents, it appears to be used as a consolation prize for losing Presidential candidates rather than based on merit; but that hardly narrows the field.

There are four prime candidates, according to CBS

  1. Rudy Giuliani - The ultimate brown-noser has been bigging himself up by bragging about how many countries he has visited. Of course, he just flies in to the capital, gives a speech, pockets 100 grand and flies out so would provide no useful experience. He’ll need to supply receipts confirming he stayed at my hotels in every city to have a chance

  2. Mitt Romney - I referred to him as “one of the dumbest and worst candidates in the history of Republican politics” but that in no way rules him out. With his Christian (Ed. Is that still allowed?) name, at least he’d be half way to a safe pair of hands. If he starts becoming a loose cannon I can always order him off to North Korea for exploratory talks on bilateral agreements. That would be the last we see of him

  3. David Petraeus - As an Army General and Director of the CIA he will be the most familiar with other countries - at least on how to destabilize them.

His big issue is the sex scandal with his biographer. As you can see, he is another GTBTP™ guy (They’re not holding hands - she’s just noticed the photographer and is holding him off) and maybe should have been my vice president, literally!
I’m not judging him but the evangelical voters whom I might need to rely on in 2020 would. Plus his name rhymes with ‘Betray us’

  1. Marine Gen. John Kelly (ret) - No idea who he is, which, looking at the alternatives above, is a major selling point. Bit concerned that ‘ret’ is the PC equivalent of retarded and his name sounds too much like the present incumbent so would worry that the Republicans in Senate (not the brightest bunch on the planet) will fail to confirm him

    So, as you can see, I’m hardly spoilt for choice. I’m thinking of inviting them and Alex Trebek over and put them through a closed room show of

Whoever I choose, the world will be a more dangerous place.

Question-suggestions (keep them simple please) much appreciated

0.1 Update

I had a friendly chat over dinner with Mitt after which he was effusive about me

However, I won’t be going to Jean Georges again as the waiters screwed up. Mitt was the one that ordered the soup with the long spoon