Foreigners - 2017/02/11

Busy few days corresponding with Johnny Foreigner

China

First up the Chinese.
I’m playing both them and the few remaining protesting Democrats (there’s a reason Presidents’ take office in the winter LOL).

  1. Started off back in November with that call to the Taiwanese which embarrassess all those liberals who witness me backing a female democratically elected leader whose country Obama, Bush and all my craven predecessors disowned

  2. Then ramp it up with threat to invade the Spratly islands. Building islands seems to be a weird habit they have out there. TBH honest, I’d rather get rid of some e.g. Haiti. Wouldn’t surprise me if Richard Branson soon puts in an offer for one or more but Obama wont be visiting him out there in a potential nuke-zone (Would make some nice collateral damage, though)

  3. Finally, agree to the ‘One China’ policy.

  4. End Result They feel they have achieved a great triumph as though I have backtracked and welcome me with open arms when basically naughts changed!

I believe that the United States and China are cooperative partners, and through joint efforts we can push bilateral relations to a historic new high.

Xi Jinping

They already trust me more than Obama. Have you noticed that all Asians look down on Afro-Americans? They must have felt very uncomfortable over the past few years. Now they can revert back to being in second-place in the traditional pecking order plus show me their longstanding respect for thier elders and betters

Japan

I always thought we owed the greatest debt to China (serves me right for giving even passing credence to Michael Moore) but, fuck me, it’s Japan and there are far less people there. Here’s a map to give Yellow Peril conspirators confirmation that we should not be focusing on Moslems countries that offer a terrorist threat

Hearing that their PM, Shinzō Abe, has never played the game before, I invite him to a round of golf. His riposte is to gift me a gold driver. Gotta admire their Eastern cunning. Play with it and I’ll only be able to hit 100yards off the tee. Refuse and it will be a diplomatic faux-pas. The latter it is then; especially, as I will let him play with Tiger’s balls. You know the ones that always come up swiftly rattle in and out of the hole

Can someone please explain why these guys insist on interpreters. After all English is the ‘lingua franca’. Make the effort

Nice touch that he named himself after Lincoln but come on at least pronounce it right. Reminds me to make sure Ivanka sits in when Merkel comes round. Germans pronounce ‘v’‘s as ’w’’s which should be good for a laugh

Canada

Last - and definitely least - Canada. Profess to distance themselves from us but 75% of the population strive to live within 100 miles of the border. Still will be handy for accommodation when if by remote chance the climate warms up and we have to extend our border North a tad

What with his halo being tarnished lately (follow my tweets for regular updates), Trudeau is already talking of how we had a common electorate supporting us. Who knew there were so many racists and misogynists up here? But the only Canadian news we get down here is when one of their NFL teams is ousted from The Stanley cup playoffs by a team in red, white and blue.

Still should be a fun meeting. With me sabre-rattling on NAFTA he’ll be trying to paint the Mexicans in a bad light so that the Canucks get a better deal

Bring it on Bushyhead