Newer Mexico - 2016/12/15

One of the many campaign promises that I’m frantically back-tracking on is building a wall between us and Mexico

There has been a lot of nonsense about my ‘Mountains and Vicious rivers’ speech. That was completely misunderstood by the culturally-ignorant journos. It was an allusion to this

I’m quite happy for go-getting Apprentice-level-candidate Mexicans coming over to help MAKEAMERICAGREATAGAIN™ It’s just the 99.99% with their pockets full of drugs that the deterrence is for

The $4 billion dollar cost figure I plucked out of the air apparently misses the mark by quite a bit. Until I take occupancy of the White House and my mexican bean counters come up with a figure, this seems to be the most agreed upon version

That’s a helluva lot of pesos (720 billion++ Ed.) and President Nieto is blanching a bit at ponying up even though it will reduce unemployment significantly in Mexico, especially at the rate they work

So, I have proposed the following

  1. He can call it the ‘Great Wall of Mexico’ - with a $100,000 donation to my blind trust every time he refers to it in a speech.
    TBH ‘Great Wall of the United States’ wouldn’t get past a Day 1 marketing intern.

Some way down the road I’m planning to rename this country Trumpland - sounds much better by both confirming our country as the exceptional one (trump geddit) and disabusing anyone that it is any way united. But I’m saving the ‘Great Wall of Trumpland’ for our Northern border - specifically for keeping Justin Trudeau out

  1. We will continue to throw soccer games so that Mexico always qualifies for World Cups. In the USA, soccer is basically a girls game - or for boys who can’t hack it in proper sports - anyways so no loss there

  2. We annex Mexico down to its narrowest point (Salina Cruz to Coatzacoalcos) - coming in at the 200 mile mark. cutting the cost dramatically and creating the 51st state - it’s about time we had a new one, 50 years and counting.

We can call it Mas Nuevo Mexico with Mexico City as its state capital . It will still leave them all the best archaeological sites and fun resorts like Cancun (which BTW could do with a Trump Resort to raise the general tone of the place)

Point 3 is the clincher and confirms my unrivalled ability to think off the wall to literally make America greater

President Nieto will be sure to go for it especially if I fast-track him a Green card. He will still be in his fifties when my second term ends (and I WILL resist public demands to pass legislation to allow for a third term … probably) He’ll be a shoo-in to replace me bringing around 80 million voters who will have no interest in “Little Marco”