December 2016

Russian Brew ha-ha

Well if you didn’t laugh you would cry. I’m now getting to see why Obama has been so disengaged in the role of the Presidency. It’s because when he tries to do anything he is so ineffective

  • Syria Tyranny

In his self-congratulatory final press conference the only scintilla of doubt was with regard to Syria - not that I’m expecting him to pony up by having a couple of Moslem refugees in-house, at least whilst his nubile daughters are still around

That small tear in his armoury was ripped open when Russian-backed Syrian Government forces retook Aleppo and have subsequently agreed a cease-fire.

Got it now, Gary

it’s hard to resist watching the single instance in which a political career is destroyed. I’m guessing he thought Aleppo was an Italian leper

Who is holding more sway in the Middle East now, Barrack? Well, at least now hostilities are ended, he can go back and pick up that red line he left lying about in the sand

  • Obama the Abstainer

He then compounded his error by upsetting our closest ally in that region , Israel.
Now I know Net’n’Yahoo (who obviously missed a trick by not trademarking his name in the early days of the Internet) is a complete tool but not to veto yet one more of these tiresome UN Security Council, anti-Semite resolutions is plain appalling.
Of course, he neither went himself to commit this historical blunder nor got his representative to actually raise a hand one way or another. When it came to her turn to vote Samatha Power just sat on her hands - figuratively I should hasten to add; there is no suggestion of a masturbation-abstention

  • Handbag at Dawn

In a final attempt to inflict some pain on Putin (who has been completely immune to it so far) and yet again trying to absolve himself from any blame in the Clinton catastrophe he came through with his little stick and chucked a few Russkies out of the country for apparantly (no proof forthcoming, of course) influencing the Presidential election.
Anticipating a tit-for-tat and leaving me with another fine mess to clear up, he must have had quite a shock to the system when Putin failed to play along and, indeed, invited US representatives in Moscow to a New Year’s knees up.

When we go low, they go high.

Michelle Obama

Couldn’t have put it better, darling

Newer Mexico

One of the many campaign promises that I’m frantically back-tracking on is building a wall between us and Mexico

There has been a lot of nonsense about my ‘Mountains and Vicious rivers’ speech. That was completely misunderstood by the culturally-ignorant journos. It was an allusion to this

I’m quite happy for go-getting Apprentice-level-candidate Mexicans coming over to help MAKEAMERICAGREATAGAIN™ It’s just the 99.99% with their pockets full of drugs that the deterrence is for

The $4 billion dollar cost figure I plucked out of the air apparently misses the mark by quite a bit. Until I take occupancy of the White House and my mexican bean counters come up with a figure, this seems to be the most agreed upon version

That’s a helluva lot of pesos (720 billion++ Ed.) and President Nieto is blanching a bit at ponying up even though it will reduce unemployment significantly in Mexico, especially at the rate they work

So, I have proposed the following

  1. He can call it the ‘Great Wall of Mexico’ - with a $100,000 donation to my blind trust every time he refers to it in a speech.
    TBH ‘Great Wall of the United States’ wouldn’t get past a Day 1 marketing intern.

Some way down the road I’m planning to rename this country Trumpland - sounds much better by both confirming our country as the exceptional one (trump geddit) and disabusing anyone that it is any way united. But I’m saving the ‘Great Wall of Trumpland’ for our Northern border - specifically for keeping Justin Trudeau out

  1. We will continue to throw soccer games so that Mexico always qualifies for World Cups. In the USA, soccer is basically a girls game - or for boys who can’t hack it in proper sports - anyways so no loss there

  2. We annex Mexico down to its narrowest point (Salina Cruz to Coatzacoalcos) - coming in at the 200 mile mark. cutting the cost dramatically and creating the 51st state - it’s about time we had a new one, 50 years and counting.

We can call it Mas Nuevo Mexico with Mexico City as its state capital . It will still leave them all the best archaeological sites and fun resorts like Cancun (which BTW could do with a Trump Resort to raise the general tone of the place)

Point 3 is the clincher and confirms my unrivalled ability to think off the wall to literally make America greater

President Nieto will be sure to go for it especially if I fast-track him a Green card. He will still be in his fifties when my second term ends (and I WILL resist public demands to pass legislation to allow for a third term … probably) He’ll be a shoo-in to replace me bringing around 80 million voters who will have no interest in “Little Marco”