March 2017

No one told me it would be this hard

Sorry not to have kept up lately. Luckily no-one can keep me off twitter. Make sure you check out all my pithy ripostes. Rarely get any response. Found that Liberals are good at dishing it out but as soon as they are challenged they fold tents and slink away - or go on yet another pointless march. As American as Apple Crumble

  1. Jeff Sessions

The guy is only 70 (I could name another septugarian who is at the peak of his mental and physical powers) but has clearly lost his marbles. Claims he met some Russian guy who turned out to be the ambassador. Dude, the guys don’t wear badges. All those times you said “Yes Mr Ambassador; No Mr Ambassador; Three bags full, Mr Ambassador” was kind of a giveaway

Then he recused himself from any investigations into our campaign. Doubt if he knows what the word means. Explained that it meant he was suspended on no pay and was downgraded to TrumpDontCare health benefits. That gave him the shits
Just found out his middle name is beleagured (Actually Beauregard Ed.) Sounds about right

  1. Wire tapping

Says it all ready

Even if I got my wires crossed, it caused quite a stir,wound up Obama and kept NPR in froth for another day. I’m the great entertainer - especially relative to my predecessor. Apparantly, the most he can render is humming minstrel songs in the shower. Got that info courtesy of KellyAnne, and no…. I didn’t ask

  1. Travel Ban

Knocked Iraq off the list. Still not enough for some and there is already a legal challenge. Good news is that it is in Hawaii so may make a personal defense. Of course, will need to bring the family with me at cost of millions to the US taxpayers. But it won’t be a vacation for them. No No Not at all :)

  1. World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017

Only one other country has released a plan in 2017 - Central African Republic - so we are just about safe on our claim according to the lawyers. Here is their flagship hospital

Their total GDP spend on health per capita per year is $25 which would get you about 5 words with a dental receptionist over here

America First